“SORRY”
Has Become A Four-Letter Word
An profound and prolific
apology after a colossal foul-up or political disaster has become an
actual perfunctory insult to the offended or wronged parties. It
sounds insincere, feels weak and needy, invites other questions (and
other concessions) and makes you look foolish. In brief, it can kill or negotiations and actually sabotage your customer relationships. No one says this
better than author and success coach, Oren Klaff of “Pitch
Anything”. The idea is to just work right past the error or
gaffe and move forward, selling more strongly than ever. The text
that follows comes from a recent email sent to me by Oren [I've left
all of the grammatical and syntax errors intact, for which I make no
apologies]:
“Funny
things pop out of my mouth from time to time. No preparation. No
planning. It just happens.
For example, a few
weeks ago during a presentation to a group of financial analysts I
said,
“Guys, I can’t sugar coat this for you ... I’m not
#@%! WILLY WONKA.”
Although, I thought
that was HILARIOUS at the time ...
no one laughed. There was
just some uncomfortable coughing and a few chairs shuffled.
My first reaction
was to apologize, so my mind starting forming the words,
“ ...
uhh, sorry about that ..."
But my training kicked in, and I told myself:
Keep moving
forward, don’t explain yourself, do not act ‘needy’ or seek
validation.
Ok, sure, I know that apologizing is necessary when we’ve
clearly
hurt someone else, violated a rule, or done something we know to be
wrong. And saying sorry is a necessary step in some situations to
repair the social fabric that keeps us connected to other people.
But in business, a gushing apology can be exactly the wrong
move.
For example, WE ALL
want to keep our clients happy, so it can be tempting to say “sorry”
for things that get off track —
- but It’s important to recognize that
apologizing
unnecessarily can actually undercut your professionalism by
displaying neediness and diminishing others’ confidence in you.
It reminds me of the
other day when a CEO called and asked if he could see me. He had a
serious problem, so we booked a meeting.
That’s how
every week starts for me. Like an episode of SUITS, at 9am
Monday, some kind of trouble walks through the door and I have 24
hours to save the client’s company or The Senior Partners Will Be
Very Mad.
This client shuffled
his way into my waiting room, downcast and dejected.
His shoulders
slumped. He was in big trouble. When a guy looks like that, it’s
either a woman problem or a money problem and given my track record,
people usually don’t want my advice on women.
He told me what had
happened at his company. His servers had crashed during a live event.
Customers lost money.
“I have to go on the road and give my largest customers a
personal apology,” he said,
“or I’m going to lose a
lot of business.”
“Tell me what you
plan to say,” I said. ”Let me hear your pitch.”
And then
came the El Niño of Bad Ideas:
He was going to
apologize for a flaw that made the servers crash;
He was going to give
discounts; and
refunds.
And he planned to
use the history of his relationship with the client, like Sal Tessio
in
The Godfather.
Sal Tessio: Can you
get me off the hook, Tom? For old times' sake?
Tom Hagen: [shakes
his head] Can't do it, Sally.
[Tom watches sadly
as Sal is led to a waiting car]
Obviously, Sal was
killed in that scene; as my client would get killed if he pleaded for
forgiveness.
So, when he was done
pouring his heart out, I poured him a cup of something strong and let
him sip it slowly, preparing him for what I would say next:
There will be No
Discounts. No Refunds. No Sob Story. “In fact,” I said, “you’re
going to visit the customers, give them ONE quick and sincere ‘sorry’
and then upsell them to a higher level of service.”
His eyes opened
wide.
I told him, when you
highlight and dwell your own mistakes you trigger the
Recency
Effect — the tendency to blow things that have just
happened
out of proportion.
In the business
world, apologies, explanations, not to mention sappy pleas for mercy
do nothing but stir up emotions and anger. My client needed to focus
on the future.
First, I told this this CEO to read my book,
PITCH ANYTHING.
On
page 157 I show that offering discounts and acting needy will
actually harm a business relationship more than it helps.
Look, even your
toughest clients will agree, the past is a done deal. It’s gone.
Dust. They will accept that now is the time to turn over the
Etch-a-Sketch and give it shake, wipe the slate clean.
Why You Should Only Give a Single Brief Word of Sorry After a
High-Profile Mistake
No matter how
sincere, your mea culpas can come off sounding empty. Only by taking
the right action can you repair your broken reputation.
Consider for a
moment, what do Charlie Sheen, Anthony Weiner and Tiger Woods all
have in common?
They all apologized
right after a major personal crisis.
I believe, in the
US, this type of apology has become so cliché, it's lost all its
credibility, because In short, we don't buy post-crises
apologies anymore.
Here’s
my four-point plan for cleaning up after a any mistake:
1. Write a
one-paragraph Big Idea nods to the mistake, but talks about the
future. Then memorize it. Here’s an example:
Today’s servers
are the most complex devices man has ever invented. They move
terabytes of data in microseconds, and we humans have come to rely on
them. Or perhaps the word is OVERRELY, for they are machines and they
can fail. In fact, these failures are a right-of-passage for any fast
growing company, letting them know, it’s time to upgrade, improve
and invest in more infrastructure than ever before ...
2. No one
expects you to be perfect. Accurately describe what new
systems or procedures you're installing as soon as possible and sell
the client that new level of service.
3. Pitch the
client like you would a new account. Don’t count on their
goodwill, just their desire to buy great service at a fair price from
a good company. Give a CLEAR description your new improved level of
service. If you need best pitch your industry has ever seen, jump
over to Pitch Mastery, I’ll make sure you get it done.
4. Get professional help. If you find yourself in
a “situation” where you’ve really messed up and first three
steps above aren't enough to tamp-down the crisis, enlist the support
of a credible third-party professional who knows how to build a
script to handle this kind of situation. The president has a script
writer, so do Fortune 500 CEO’s and franchise athletes ...
you’re
no less important and you should have one too.
Whatever you do, best not expect a gushing apology to
work. We live in a jaded, cynical society that has had its
fill of sketchy executives, politicians, celebrities and athletes. So
truly, a modern crisis means never having to say you're sorry. It
means MORE than that: fixing your act, communicating the fixes as
they're done and then quickly reestablishing your reputation.
Don’t wait to learn how to handle yourself until you’re in a
tight situation. If you haven’t already, buy
PITCH ANYTHING
now. And do sign up for a free trial of
Pitch Mastery.
Forward this email to anyone you think might benefit from it, so
they can get on our mailing list.
I have to run, another client just walked in the door, he’s
wearing thick glasses and has a large computer. I’m not sure what
the problem is here, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
See you next week when I cover the right way to start of any
presentation (things I learned the hard way).
-Oren
oren@pitchanything.com"
=> The Takeaway: Don't
apologize unless you've truly hurt someone personally, lest you
appear weak and incompetent. Take a lesson from the universally
disliked (but desperately envied and admired) Donald Trump. Don't get
caught in the quicksand of an apology. Don't make it into an issue.
Don't spend time falling into the trap of back peddling.
Labels, Tags, Categories, Keywords And Search Terms For This Article:
Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, Heidi Fleiss, Gucci, apologies, success, business, negotiating, GEIconsulting, Douglas E. Castle,
Thank you, as always, for
reading me,
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